Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We need to rekindle our bromance
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
