She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
