I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
