**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
