I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
