I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
