well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
