I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
