How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
