i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Vodka?
Forever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
