am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
