xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
