Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
