Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
