My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
