she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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