pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
