was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
