There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
