I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
