We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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