It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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