Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
