Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
