none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
