It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
