Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
