Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
