so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
