college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I touched a dick in church today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
