OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
