I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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