Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
