Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
