we have pet lesbian snakes
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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