I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize