Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
