In the future we'll all be gay
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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