well most of my day revolves around power hour
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
