Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
