The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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