Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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