Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
