just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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