Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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