the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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