apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
