before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
