So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
