i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
